12 things to watch out in 2012

                         Pre-script: The following events are predicted using Turing Machine, invented by Alan Turing ,after whom the year 2012 has been called Alan Turing Year...

1--Kolaveri Rage continues...
                          Having captured millions of hearts with its peppy tune and non-sense lyrics,Kolaveri continues its rage ,now though among new born babies, all over the world.Several cases have been reported of new born babies crying 'Why this kolaveri di?' on delivery, replacing the usual 'hua hua' cry.Mothers are deeply disturbed over their babies's rage.Doctors argue that babies finally found the words to express their discomfort of popping out.Thanks to Dhanush and team..

2--Dhoni happy over Team India's triumph of 25 straight defeats overseas..
                         Captain cool still kept his cool after Team India lost the final test match of the Test series against Zimbabwe (5-0) at Zimbabwe.Match got over on the first day after Zimbabwe refused to bowl seeing Indians deliberately giving up their wickets.They were persuaded after Dhoni told Zimbabwe captain that he wanted the 25 th straight defeat to be a memorable one.

3--Corruption in Lokpal..

                         Thambi Hazare, a distant cousin of Anna Hazare underwent indefinite fast against his brother citing corruption in Lokpal committee.An official in Lokpal is reported to have taken bribe from a corrupt official for clearing his offense.He has drafted a bill asking to set up a committee to find corrupt officials in Lokpal and give them full authority to punish the corrupt.A separate committee named 'Prevention of Recursive Committee Formation' has also been formed to break recursion.

4--Chennai renamed to Madras..

                          Tamil nadu Chief minister renamed Chennai to Madras citing that 'Chennai sounds like the popular tamil slang word Vennai'. Opposition party leader slammed her for reverting the name change done during his regime .The CM is reported to have used the same slang word in reply.Local Tamils wonder when they would care about the state, leaving behind their family tussles.

5--Dirty Picture 2..
                          Vidya Balan's bold attempts in Dirty Picture is to be continued in its sequel, following its block buster performance and revolutionary ideas.Nasirudin Shah is to be replaced by South Indian icon T R Rajendran who is working on his six packs for the same, in the path of his son Simbu.The director of the movie assures that the youth of india will stop downloading porns and go for his movie instead.

6-- Terrorists attacked in Mumbai..

                           It has been a normal trend that terrorists attack Mumbai when they feel bored.But 2012 turned out be a nightmare to them when their plans were blown off by the localites, who not only attacked them back but punished them with these tasks:
                   1.Board the busiest mumbai local train during the busiest hours 5 times.
                   2.Get stuck in mumbai's busiest road traffic and be patient.
                   3.Buy a house in mumbai.
The terrorists are reported to have committed suicide on just hearing the punishment.

7-- Incredible android apps..

                          If you were excited about android apps driving away mosquitoes,used as torch lights,helping you find nearby restaurants,giving you spiritual advice,book tickets ..phoo phoo them. 2012 offers even better android apps.A developer is believed to have invented an app to find out what lies in a girl's heart and boys are in chaos now.

8--Enthiran 2.0..

                         Director Shankar released his sequel to Enthiran, Enthiran 2.0.Top 20 Rajnikanth jokes have been filmed in this movie like Rajnikanth giving missed call to his own number,dividing infinity by two etc.When Shankar was asked how he could film Rajnikanth diving infinity by two, he looked at Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth smiled.

9--Kalmadi and A.Raja regain their lost positions

                          Kalmadi regained his presidential position in Indian Olympics Association and assured that he will continue his good work in the coming years.On similar terms A.Raja regained his ministerial position and said that he would fare better in 3G.Times of India quoted him saying 'Faster.Smarter.Better'

10.Global Warming became Global Heating

                          With no one paying real attention to global warming, it ascended itself to global heating.Oil prices went down as people got heat energy for free.Arabian countries lost their revenue.Omlets appeared just on breaking eggs.Solar energy became the most used source of energy.

11.Birth of new world..

                         Life ended.Privileged group of people were chosen to maintain the human species,carried on a giant ship and restored to a safe place. George Bush was missed out in the squad and he is reported to have SMS ed from hell to the ship captain 'Why did ya leave me, you idiot?Its fucking burning here!'. World map changed.Google Maps were updated.

12.SOPA (Stop Online Privacy Act)

                         SOPA bill is passed.A blogger by the name Vijay who reportedly wrote obscene things on politics,bollywood and society in his blog '12 things to watch out in 2012' (in addition to using an image downloaded from someone else's website)is arrested and put in jail for five years.His website http://www.vijayunplugged.com/ is demolished.

Watch out i am not kidding!..